240 days also translates into 8 months and although it doesn’t seem like a very long time, a lot can happen in 8 months…or umm 240 days.  In my last post I talked about the 120 day waiting period in which I had to endure until my divorce was official with the state of Massachusetts — it’s kind of weird because you are “divorced” at the time of your hearing, but in this great state it likes to keep it interesting by making you wait 120 days until you can “re-marry”…..yeah, you read that correct — RE MARRY!  When I was first going through all the emotions of getting a divorce back in late 2008, I thought about how I used to throw out these lines when people would ask me if I’d ever consider getting married again….”NEVER!!  Not  in a million years”…..”not even if you paid me”…..”I’d rather chop off my right arm….” — all funny statements about my feelings at the time toward marriage or the prospect of a “re-marriage”

But something has happened in the past 240 days to make me re-think those statements….well I guess you could say it started about 2,190 days ago….okay, so if your math isn’t great (mine never really is!) that translates to 6 years.  It began 6 years ago when I first met him.

I was starring as Stella in A Streetcar Named Desire (to date it has been one of my most favorite roles) and he was in the show as well.  I remember the first time I saw him — it was at the auditions….he was seated in the back of the theatre — sort of away from everyone with this very serious look on his face and I thought to myself — how come I haven’t had the chance to read any sides with him yet?  He looked like a good actor and I hadn’t even seen him read yet….but there was an air about him…..something that drew me to him and I didn’t know why…

Fast forward about a week later when the artistic director had assembled the cast and there he was at the first read through….sitting back in his chair at the table, I was again drawn to him.  I knew nothing about him with the exception of his name since it was posted on the cast sheet, but that was it.  He was quiet.  The “not sure he liked people” kind of quiet…but I knew he would become a friend by the end of this show, I knew he and I…..would be good friends.

That we became — for years after the show closed — we were by all accounts….friends.  Then there was the birth of Facebook — well, that changed everything now didn’t it.  We shared updates, pictures, even exchanged a few e-mails here and there, but for years we were friends.  I was the “married” friend…he was the “in a relationship” friend.

Then in January of this year, while at an audition I was finally able to read opposite him for a part in a Neil Labute show — I joked with him and said it only took 6 years to finally get back up on stage together…little did I know at that very moment the 6 years would represent so much more than just acting opposite each other again…it would represent finally finding your someone.

 We closed the show on March 28th 2009 and that evening would represent one of the moments in your life people always talk about, but you never really know what they mean until it happens to you.

……You know they say when you and your soul mate catch eyes or finally come together you can hear…what is it — Puccini in your head?  Yeah, that’s it — you can hear Puccini’s La Boheme – but on the contrary….I heard nothing.  Literally the world around me stopped and I heard not one single sound.  All I saw was his eyes and all I felt was my heart swell.  It was the moment that everyone refers to — “the moment you find the love of your life” — It smacked me hard right across the face — there he was……there he always was…..for 6 years….

……and here we finally are 240 days later from that Puccini-less moment…..I still hear nothing when he is around me, I still see only him and my heart still swells with happiness….all good things.

Bottom line  — I guess I was always meant to be on the path I was on…you know traveling around making all kinds of interesting turns, bad mistakes, impulsive decisions…..but there is a plan I guess…..I now believe that destiny is indeed in the cards, it does have a say in your life….I truly believe that now.  I believe that every moment is meant to happen — good or bad…..I believe that even though we are in the driver seat on this crazy road of life, there is a greater and more powerful force that pulls us…..it may take a while to get us where we need to be…..it might even take say 2, 190 days…..but where I’m sitting now, I love where I am…..I am looking ahead and thinking to myself bring it!  Bring me another 240 days just like this — because for me, it’s been perfection.

I said I would dedicate this to you…..and consider it dedicated…..I love you with all my heart — Peas is and will always be happiest with carrots.

Peace and Love…..

My divorce is officially final.  Wow….my divorce ….is officially…. final….  It’s just those words are still weird for me to hear and believe me, I hear them often enough.

“Oh, you’re divorced now….?”

“Listen, I’m sorry to hear about your divorce.”

“WOW!  Holy shit you are the big D now!!!???!!….” 

“Since you are divorced now, I would love for you to meet this guy I know….”

I never would have imagined this is where my life would have led me at the age of 34, never, not in a million years…It’s interesting, this whole 120 day timing thing because I recently connected with some old high school friends on Facebook the other day and seeing some of those faces just like grabbed me by the ass and dragged me deep into a time warp back to 1991.  HA….1991 I thought I knew it all….I was going to concur the world….me and my friends that is.  We used to sit at this very “sudo popular” — (or we liked to believe it was the popular lunch table for the not so popular) and we’d babble on and on about what we were going to do, who we would marry, where we would live, where we would go on vacations and what we would name our kids…back then it seemed so simple, so concise….so 1991…

So, here I am.  Sitting in my reality.  So I didn’t make all the best decisions in my life up until this point, I certainly did not. 

So, I didn’t really become a successful Broadway actress, but I landed on my feet ok with a career in PR and have met some pretty great people along the way.  S

So I didn’t do a very good job at picking the right mate for life and I married the wrong guy, but I have two gorgeous girls that mean the entire Universe to me. 

So I didn’t wind up living in my 3,000 sq foot colonial in Lexington, but I am living in a decent sized apartment that is defined by me and each day I wake up pretty happy even in 1300 sq feet. 

So mistakes happen, so what.  So we do stupid things, so what.  Life is essentially filled with many days where we fuck up…..we make poor choices, but ultimately we can only truly become the people we are by making mistakes, by learning, by growing from them.  I honestly feel that we do all this so that in the end….when we are lying on our death beds at 85, 90 or 100 years old we can say “yeah, I love myself and I love what I became….I’m good now, so cya”

I have a long way before that happens (I hope!), but until then I will take my 120 days and I will embrace them…..hell I will dance around in my living room wearing nothing but my socks in honor of them, for they taught me a lot……they taught me that life will move and you move with it….even in a 120 day grace period.

Peace and love….